Well I have just tried to paint without coping from a picture and trying to release some of my emotions through it but it didn’t work!
I started drawing a tree, it started looking really good, I felt quite relaxed then I thought I would draw a dirt path then it looked totally wrong and I lost my confidence in the picture and threw it away.
I’ve threw two pictures away today, I don’t know why I can’t trust myself and paint free hand WITHOUT a picture in front of me but I really wish I could, I used to paint really well but I’ve lost my confidence in it, probably because I’ve confidence in myself….
Since I have came back home I’ve lost my confidence, my self esteem and understanding of who I am!
What is my personality? What are my strengths? What about me does my partner love?
I am finding it really hard to see any positives about myself and keep it together.
Before I went to university I had taken me a long time but I had built up some confidence I was proud that I was different and that I had gotten into university and I had slowly began to gain confidence in my appearance but since my nervous breakdown/relapse, everything has been reset, I have to start all over again and I feel like the person inside, the old me is gone and only a shell is left, I’m trying to repair the inner me so the shell will once again be full but its hard!!!
I feel so days I am getting better but others I get frustrated with the same old feeling,