Well I tried at least….(expressionist painting).


Well I have just tried to paint without coping from a picture and trying to release some of my emotions through it but it didn’t work! 

I started drawing a tree, it started looking really good, I felt quite relaxed then I thought I would draw a dirt path then it looked totally wrong and I lost my confidence in the picture and threw it away. 

I’ve threw two pictures away today, I don’t know why I can’t trust myself and paint free hand WITHOUT a picture in front of me but I really wish I could, I used to paint really well but I’ve lost my confidence in it, probably because I’ve confidence in myself…. 

Since I have came back home I’ve lost my confidence, my self esteem and understanding of who I am! 

What is my personality? What are my strengths? What about me does my partner love? 

I am finding it really hard to see any positives about myself and keep it together. 

Before I went to university I had taken me a long time but I had built up some confidence I was proud that I was different and that I had gotten into university and I had slowly began to gain confidence in my appearance but since my nervous breakdown/relapse, everything has been reset, I have to start all over again and I feel like the person inside, the old me is gone and only a shell is left, I’m trying to repair the inner me so the shell will once again be full but its hard!!! 

I feel so days I am getting better but others I get frustrated with the same old feeling, 



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s