Negative Influences!



Since my relapse I have been working so hard to get used to a busy routine and regain my energy back, my memory back and to get to how I used to be before my relapse/nervous breakdown, with all the support I finally have in place and the different methods I use to deal with my invasive thoughts and symptoms and confidence, I actually am starting to feel like I am making my way slowly…to getting better BUT…. 

there is only one thing that is a challenge for me and that is…. 


If it’s not from the news and politics its from my own family… I thought of all people my family would understand my illness after seeing me at my worse but they cannot understand that I can not work like everybody else, I have to pace my work while I am on the road to recovery, I can not rush into a busy schedule all at once unless I am going to feel stressed, deprived of sleep and that is when everything falls apart and when that happens the risk of me having another relapse increases. 

I am gradually gaining my energy back but it is going to take time and I do get tired quite quickly anyway because of my chronic fatigue which my family know about yet they expect me to be able to do all the things they do, but I can’t….I wish they would understand how hard it has been to get myself this far and to understand that I know what I need to do to make my condition better and to stop it worsening now, I wish they would stop critizing and let me get on with my life without questioning me and trying to tell me what they think is best, how do they know how this illness makes me feel, how do they know how it affects my everyday life, I thought they would be happy that I am getting better, but I am not feeling that enthusiasm, maybe because I am not getting better fast enough but that is not my fault, I’m trying my best. 

Progress takes time, all I need from them is support not criticism and questioning. 

So…from now on I am going to ignore/blank out any negative influences in my life and hopefully  this will not only make myself feel better but it will stop me going down the path of being influenced by it and cause me another relapse. 


3 responses »

  1. Huge hugs to you! ♥ It can be so difficult when those closest to you, who you think might try to understand, or at least not make judgements, are the ones who end up making you feel worse 😦 I have found this myself time and time again when I have relapsed, and each time I seem to hope that my family will ‘get it’ this time ~ yet, they dont…I think you are right to ignore any criticisms or negativity, step back from this for a while…It is hard enough to recover from a breakdown, but twice as hard if the people around you aren’t supportive…Hang in there x x

    • Thank you for the comment and it is hard, I really thought they understood but the fact is that they don’t, they don’t know the battles I have to fight everyday, the struggles I go through, the demonic/negative voices I have to argue with in my head, how I feel or my outlook on life and how it affects my health, only I can help myself, only I can become the expert in my own mental health and thanks to advice from other people suffering the same sort of mental health as me I am getting so much more aware of my illnesses and how they affect me and how I can deal with them and that I am getting so much better, but because it is an invisible illness it is so hard for people to understand and its hard not getting the understanding I want from my family but all I can do is keep educating them about it and hope they understand, ignore the negative and get myself better! I will not give up! ❤

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