Praying for the first time.

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2141_10151131563449023_506430503_nToday for the first time I can remember I actually sat down and prayed to God.

Since early in my school days I could not understand the concept of God, I didn’t understand the description of him being an old gray-bearded man sitting in a cloud and controlling the weather, because I could visualize what he was I couldn’t really believe in him, But….

After starting to read ‘Soul Angels’ by Jenny Smedley, I read how she explains God and what he is, it completely made sense and it. God is the Universe, God is every molecule, every animal, every natural reaction, every supernatural pattern, natural selection, evolution, every living being and spiritual being.

It all started to make sense, my faith in GOD had been redeemed, I finally understood, I understood the concept of God, Angels and spiritual beings and so today I decided to pray.

With all the bad luck I’ve been getting lately, all the struggle to get financial support from my Government with being disabled and feeling like I’m falling in the big black hole of my depression again I was loosing all faith that I was going to get better or win the interrogation from the benefits system, I could feel all the anger building up inside me, at every opportunity I would pop at my partner and family, my anger was bursting out in short straws, I was losing my patience, losing my temper, so I decided to ask for the help I need.

I meditated, trying to reach a state of calm and then used this time to try to communicate with my angels and ask for their guidance and help and then I prayed to God, to help me eradicate my anger, to help me think more rationally, to help me calm down, to help me during my struggles, to help me gain back the strength to fight for life and to get myself out of the black hole I feel I’m falling in with my depression getting worse again.

Afterwards I do not feel any different but I hope that something will happen, a sign or preferably some luck (much-needed luck), but for now I will try to keep my faith in my angels and God and hope they help me in this time of struggle.

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