Catch up of the past few weeks!

Hey everyone, 

Sorry I haven’t been posting for a few weeks it has been hectic! 

But now I finally have some time to catch you up with whats been happening. 

Firstly after all my hard work, I finally got a job, I went through 3-4 weeks of training, made my first sale and i was getting really good at my job working as a Sales Advisor in an Insurance Company, but as soon as i told the company about my illness everything went downhill. They sent me home for a week claiming that there was no work for me because they had messed the computer system up and they would call me when they wanted me back in, so one week later….I tried contacting them and they wouldn’t talk to me over the phone so I emailed the HR Manager and the following Monday I finally got a reply saying:

 ’ As we previously advised we have not any work for you, so we are letting you go with immediate effect!’ 

Although they are advertising for full time and PART TIME jobs, so why couldn’t they keep me on. 

So I strongly suspect that they got rid of me because my disability. They were  making me work more hours than I signed up for on my contract, they failed on several occasions to adjust the workplace to my needs and all this happens….so I am currently trying to make a claim on it, which is proving very stressful and obviously I am still absolutely gutted about it and to top it off I have to sign back onto Jobseekers Allowance and I reallllyyy don’t want to look for jobs after this has just happened, it has really knocked my confidence in looking for work. 

 

On a lighter note…… I have been looking forward to my holiday abroad with my family to Turkey. (I will be going on the 16th June and don’t worry I’ll put all my pics on here and fill you in on what I’ve been up to.)

And while looking forward to my holiday I have decided to work on my self esteem and confidence. I just thought to myself one morning, maybe I would feel better about myself if I make more of an effort to look nice, stop caring about what people think of me and just be myself, I can do it when I’m abroad so why can’t I do it now?

So I have done my nails (I actually have nails, which make me feel much more girly), I’ve dyed my hair and I’m getting it cut short as when its short I love it and it does make me feel more confident in myself and I’m starting to wear more girly clothes, take more time to figure out my outfits, make an effort over my appearance, obviously I’m not perfect, I’m trying to loose weight, I need to go to the sun bed to reduce my scaring on my back before my holidays. 

I do still have my off days, but I’m trying to be less negative about myself, I’m trying to think more positively about myself, be kinder to myself and ignore that horrible negative voice in my head and it seems to be working. 

I hope I can carry on with this progress!  

I am doing a lot to help myself feel better but there is only so much I can do, I am still battling to get help from someone, I went to the doctors and they increased my citopram to 20mg and after 3 weeks they want to increase it again to 40mg which I am a bit cautious about…I have phoned my local mental health hospital, well my mum did as they won’t listen to me and keep fobbing me off because I’m too soft and finally I got an answer, they realized how seriously I need help and I should be hearing from them soon regarding getting me some help, well I hope I do, if not I will chase it up again! ¬¬ 

I think I might try meditating again. My head is so busy I need a way just to shut it up sometimes.

So that’s whats been going on with me…what have you all been up to??? 

 

How important Bees are: responsible for our food, our whole ecosystem.

You all might of heard of organisations such as ‘Friends of the earth’ or ‘Greenpeace’, well I strongly agree and support them in their efforts and determination to protect our earths wildlife and environment and lately they have been trying to raise awareness on the importance of BEES
!

So I am writing this article to raise awareness to bees!

Bees are a major part of our ecosystem without their pollination we would not have fruit and veg or most plants and foodstuffs we rely on purely for survival. The great Albert Einstein estimated that if the bees died we would only survive 4 years and I believe this!

We can you do to help??

Well the Bee population is in serious threat because of the pesticides we use to protect our crops and the flower fields and their habitats we destroy to use for agricultural purposes so its really simple what they need!

They need space to live, they need more of the flowers they love, they need the small people like us to help!

So if you have a garden, plant bee friendly flowers, make your own beehive, do your bit!
They would very much appreciate it and you will be doing your bit to help!

The negativity record

The negativity in my head won’t turn off,
No I am not perfect,
Far from it,
But all my flaws are elevated in my head,
Whirling around in a continuos circle,
Whispering there nasty thoughts in my ear like a record stuck on repeat,
Look at all your spots, look how scared your skin is, look how frizzy your hair is, look at yourself your ugly, fat and always ill and dependable on other people!
Who would want to be friends with you?
What’s attractive about you?
I can’t eat them out of my head they are ruling my life!
How do I make myself we better?
How do I do things right?
Any advice?

My Rita!

This is my youngest dog Rita a parsons jack Russell i love her so much and she cheers me up. I took this lovely pic of her when taking for a walk down the river I thought i would share it!

gear

Back to reality with a big bump!

For the past few weeks I have been so occupied with work and revision I have forgotten to take care of myself and look after my mental health and physical health.

I’ve been eating so much sugary food to keep my energy up but I have forgot that it does give me energy in the short term but it doesn’t help my skin or my weight! I’m not overweight although my ideal weight is 10 stone so I do need to loose a stone but sugary foods have had a terrible effect on my skin I get acne anyway but before this all my spots had been dying down but now they are back being double in size and twice as painful!

I am so annoyed that I could of been stupid! My confidence wasn’t good to start with but now I feel worse! But I have a plan I’ve written down all the things that make me feel better and will help me and hopefully if I stick to them it will help me feel better about myself and more confident as a woman.
I no my fiancée loves me for who I am but I want to find confidence in myself and be able to walk down the street without thinking about how ugly I look compared to every other woman and girl I see. I want to be proud of who i am and stop putting myself down but it’s so hard.